Wednesday, October 15, 2003


Had a huge fight with the husband the other day.  Won't go into the gorey details, but the main theme of it all was what we do with the other person's venting.  I had a really hard time after my Dad died, and my sisters and I were at each others' throats...and husband was the only person I had to lay it all on.  Long before I had talked it out enough to work through it, he made it clear that he didn't want to hear about it anymore.  Basically, he said that he was tired of hearing the same things over and over when there was no movement toward a resolution.

I was catastrophically hurt at the time.  And held on to that hurt for a long time, even to this day.  I'll never feel comfortable again telling him in depth how I feel about anything.  But I got to thinking, when we are venting our frustrations or hurts to someone else, how exactly DO we want the vented-upon party to react?  Do we want advice or counsel?  I don't think so.  Do we want someone to pat us on the back and say, "oh poor baby...?'  I don't think THAT is what I was looking for either.  I tried to really think about what reaction he could have had that would have made me happy.  And I couldn't come up with one.  So, is it really fair to hold a grudge about the whole episode?

No, it ISN'T fair to be mad at him because he was the instrument through which I learned one of life's tough lessons.  Which is:  You can't pile your emotional burdens on someone else.  In the end, we all have to deal with our stuff alone, and it creates more problems than it solves to try to get someone else involved, even if that person is your closest friend.  Maybe, when all is said and done, I have never really understood the concept of friendship.  Maybe that's why I have few friends.  Time after time, life proves to me that we come into this world alone, and we go out alone, and we are alone much of the time in between.  It's just the way it's nobody's fault.  Or maybe it's mine.

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