Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Okay Now

I'm better now.  Thanks to all you who sympathized with my melt-down. 

I don't know whatever posessed me to watch those old videos on a day when I was already standing on the edge of the "bummer abyss."  It's the oddest thing; sometimes, when I get in those moods, I purposely do something to push myself over the edge.  I always feel physically like crap for a day or so after one of my "drowning" sessions...  But I also feel cleansed. In order to deal with the losses I have faced, I just push them to the corners of my mind, where they are not directly in the way of my everyday functioning.  But they tend to stagnate a bit, and the odor they emit begins to insidiously creep into my conscious mind.  Until it starts to taint everything.  From time to time, I just have to cry...turn the emotional power-washer loose on myself and blow it all out.  And then I'm fine for a few more months, when I have to do it again.

I should be okay for the rest of the summer, I think.  I needed to get this all out of the way before I got into the busiest part of my season, where I can't afford to let things get me down.  As if I can really control it (LOL).  It's nice to THINK I can...


  1. Lisa, isn't it all a part of the mourning process?

  2. Glad to hear you're feeling better.  It's good to get it all out and then start anew.  I believe it can be done.  Love the rose!

  3. I'm glad you got your 'summer flushing' done.  Your mental health day did you good!  Kristi

  4. Glad to hear your feeling better, It's tough dealing with all of life's issues. But it's good that you don't hold in your sadness, it's good to vent and let the sadness out.

  5. I will do the same thing when I'm feeling like crap. I will search out movies that are tear-jerkers just so I can have a good cry. It really does refresh the soul for a while. I'm glad to hear you are back on steady ground. :-) ---Robbie

  6. Yes, sometimes you have to give yourself permission to *feel whatever needs to be felt, and then you can move on.  I"m glad this worked for you!

    Gosh, I sound like someone who's read one too many copies of Psychology Today. :-X  But, perhaps my comment is valid anyway. ;-)

  7. hestiahomeschoolJune 17, 2004 at 1:20 AM

    I do this too. Sometimes I just need to cry and wail and mourn.  I have to hide from the kids--but sometimes I wait until late at night when they are asleep and I just weep and wail.  It is good that I am a hillbilly, since we are taught to do this from an early age :-)  At funerals, someone always triesto throw themselves in the open grave--they know that the other mourners will support them.  But I NEED to cry sometimes, and I think that your watching videos or "provoking" grief is a way to release it.
    lots of love and hus, Kas