Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Commentary on "Old Friends"

My old friend came to Oregon for a visit in October of 1997, and I haven't seen or heard from her since. 

The remarkable thing about that letter is, I believe I actually gave it to her.  I was so much more willing to be generous with myself back then.  I wanted to tell other people how much they meant to me. I was determined not to be afraid to expose my deepest feelings for the people I loved the most. 

You know, I can't do that anymore.  I think that was the thing that struck me about this letter...the reason I had to put it in this journal. To show how life changes you.  How the sheer weight of the years, and the tears, just flatten you.  When you're young and innocent, you can throw your emotions around like that.  After you've had them thrown back at you a hundred million times, you start to keep things to yourself.  You get older, you get tired, you don't want to take those chances anymore.  The chance that the gift of your love...will not be looked upon as such a great gift after all.

Ah, what a downer of a journal entry!  But it was an upper, too.  It was good to remember that once I had a friend I loved so much.  And that I let her know.    


  1. Write her a letter. Or can you? you have such a great way with words. I have moved around so much, I find out that the only way to keep in touch with people is if YOU DO IT. Debbie, one of my most cherished friends, and I found each other on the web after 27 years of hit and miss Xmas cards etc.

  2. Didn't realize I was on as FitzyWitch...its me, mary. I have three screen names I move around with....this one is my test jnl name, Alpha is my jnl, and the mary thing is my original aol.

  3. Actually, Mary, I DID send her a letter, shortly after her visit, and it came back. She had moved, left no forwarding address, and never got in touch with me again to tell me where she went. :-[