Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Alarming State

I’m so glad I have to work tonight. It will afford me the opportunity to give George W. Bush’s State of the Union address all the attention it deserves—none. I think the American people are all too aware of the state of our country. Since the 2004 election, reality has crept up on Americans, tapped them on the shoulders… and slapped them upside their heads. We know where Bush’s War on Terror, raids upon our Constitutional rights, energy and environmental policies have landed us. Our nation is firmly lodged in the bottom of the toilet, waiting for the fatal flush.

Tonight, when Mr. Bush stands before Congress and the American people prevaricating, sugar-coating, glossing over and selectively forgetting inconvenient highlights of the past twelve months of his administration, I will be slinging hash, scouring pots, or on my hands and knees scrubbing baseboards. And if I didn’t have my own restaurant to do these things in, I would probably hire myself out for the evening. Because anything, anything at all, would be a more worthwhile investment of time than watching George W. Bush spreading his poisonous flatulence over the airwaves. I’m sure if I sat down to watch him, I would be in the market for a new TV by the end of the evening.

But, hey…let’s have some fun with it. I know…let’s all try to guess how many times he’ll refer to "9/11" in the course of his speech. I’ll go for twelve. Twelve times. Anybody else wanna play? Of course, someone will have to watch the speech to see who wins. Any volunteers? Sorry, I can’t do it. I’ll be working. J


  1. You'll be working and I'll be bowling.  Yes, bowling.   :::sigh::: I remember when my mother would pose this question, "What is this country coming to?"  Hey, Mom?  We're on our knees and we small business owners will soon be flat out on the floor.  And let's not ... never mind.

  2. Hi! Guess how we got here? (Hint: see below)
    We'll be watching just to see the asshole sweat, and wait to see if he blows his script. Hey, it's entertainment!
    Twelve times? It sounds about right, but we'll shoot for 13, just for the superstition factor.
    Be seeing you.
    Bonnie and Walt  

  3. I'm going to go with 16 times...

  4. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll read the forensic report in the paper tomorrow. I don't think my blood pressure could take the strain. We found out after the last election that he really didn't learn anything from it. The righties have already been caught trying to slime Obama and blame Clinton's campaign for it courtesy of Faux News. Ran across the unofficial spelling yesterday. I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike it.


  5. I'm going to pass for no compelling reason.  Whatever I end up doing, it will be more worthwhile than sitting and listening to that man tell it as he fantasizes it.

    The papers and the talking heads will cover (spin?) the "high points".  I'll go with the condensed versions.

  6. I know that I would spontaneously combust if I watched even a few moments of this travesty, sending the couch, the cat, the TV, perhaps the entire house, into sky-high flames.  There will be enough ost-operative  commentary, all over the blogoverse, and the internet in general to catch me up on his every remark, plus I won't have to watch that nauseating smirk or hear that phony Texas drawl.  Are we counting references to "terrorists" as Sept. 11th references?  I can't even hazard a guess.
    I've got the new Tony Hillerman mystery to keep me happy during the time TV is verboten.

  7. On the other hand, there's always the enticing possibility, with every speech he gives, that THIS will be the time he totally loses it, starts pounding on the podium with a shoe, or his head, starts spewing obscenities. or biting chunks out of his tie, gabbling like a chiimpanzee, or falling to the floor in hysterical sobs.  Wouldn't we all hate to miss any of these and all the other multiple mad scenaria that he seems capable of?  frothing at the mouth being the least of them.

  8. I generally watch the State of the Union address every year but have decided this is one that I just can't stomach and will spend the time reading Barak Obama's book, The Audacity of Hope, instead.

  9. whoops, my last comment got inserted twice.  and it's just not that funny!  Delete it forthwith!.

  10. Bonus points if he refers to "9-11" and "Iraq" in the same sentence.  If he says it often enough, maybe he can WILL a connection into existence.

  11. So how many times DID he say it?  I didn't watch.  I tell you.... it's enlightening to see the United States from an international perspective.  It's been a long time (like 20 years) since I spent such an extended period of time out of the country.  man oh MAN has world opinion about the United States changed for the worse.

    And I love the image of GW pounding the podium with his shoe and eating his tie.  if only... Then the men in white coats would come and cart him away.  And then Cheney would be President..... no wait.... that's not such a good scenario.....