Monday, September 24, 2007


Thursday, September 25, 2003
10:25:00 AM PDT


Hello, journal

So, this is my first "blog."  I wonder how this will affect my writing, knowing that someone might actually read it?  I've been writing journals since I was in high school.  Always with the secret hope that someone might read them, and get to know or care about my thoughts, confusions, and yearnings.  But knowing that no one would ever read them, at least not in my lifetime.  In more recent years, I've contented myself with believing that I might be leaving a legacy...that SOMEONE might read the pages upon pages of my life's blood, and think about me when I'm gone.

This wanting to be remembered when I'm gone...this is a relatively new purpose for me.  I guess it's logical for someone my age, who has no children, to start wondering about my legacy.  Not only no children, but no social life.  No church, no job, no volunteer activities.  I sometimes wonder, if I dropped dead today, who would care besides my husband and my sisters?  And how long would THEY even care?  What would I be leaving behind?  As of this exact moment, I have to admit--not a whole lot.

I know I didn't used to be this way.  I've always been sort of a loner, and socially challenged, but I always had at least one or two friends, and some kind of social outlet besides my family.  I've become so isolated since the events that surrounded my sister's and my Dad's deaths.  I don't know if I would still be so affected by their deaths, if they hadn't been the start of this...this time of my life when I've felt expelled from everything I've ever known and loved.  It's been a god-awful struggle just to keep ties with the people who ARE still in my life, and I know they don't understand or care about my struggles.  I spend an awful lot of time wishing I had someone who DID understand.

Happy Birthday,

“Coming to Terms...”


  1. Happy Birthday 'Coming to Terms'.  I wonder ... how differently do you feel now than you did back then?  

  2. "Happy Birthday ~ Coming to Terms"  ~ that was a very heartfelt entry ~ I hope you have found someone who does understand your struggles ~ I hope you have ~ even if it is only us your JLand friends ~ Ally x

  3. Happy birthday number four, and many more.


  4. Happy Birthday to one of the most intense, interesting journals I've ever come across in the once grand and glorious "Journal Land".  I hope you've reaped some of the "return" you were seeking when you began four years ago.  I, for one, love your journal and have nothing but admiration for you who has kept it going strong--and interesting and stimulating--for four years.  Quite an accomplishment, Lisa.  Please continue to think of me as one of your staunchest internet fans and friends.  

  5. Happy Birthday to a terrific blog.  Boy, am I glad you started writing on the net!  Otherwise, I wouldn't have the pleasure of reading your words, or of making the connection across the miles.  And those are very real pleasures...



  6. I did NOT miss this; I just forgot to say:  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! to one of my favorite, most very very favorite blogs ever!!!!!!!

    Lisa, isn't it wonderful that we found each other through our writing?!?

  7. if yours turned four then that means I have been blogging for four years too....and we have been FRIENDS for four years....

    by the way, I have not finished that surprise yet...the newest baby is making is HARD!!!!!

    Happy belated.

  8. Better late than never.  You knew I'd be by to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY sometime, didn't you?!?!

    You always been one of my favorites, Lisa.  I'm so glad you're still here.