Sunday, January 18, 2009

Not Moving On

Gannet passed an award on to me the other day. This one is called the "Friends Award;" and here is the obligatory explanatory text:

"The Friends Award isn't about being the most popular blogger or having the most read blog. It is just because you consider the author a friend. These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

Robin's nod made me smile and sigh at the same time. It was nice to be reminded that I do have a handful of solid friends who came into my life through this medium. The thought of passing the award on to eight other bloggers was kind of intimidating…until I listed them here, I didn't realize that I do indeed have eight friends who have been with me for almost my entire five-year run here in the ether. Robin. Cynthia. Kat. Alpha-Mary-woman. Judi. Jackie—my real-life friend as well as blogging buddy. Lisa—who disappeared for quite awhile, but is back now. And Kay, who is actually my newest blogging friend—we don't go all the way back, but certainly several years. Ladies, consider yourselves awarded.

However, I've recently been tossing around the idea of hanging up my blogging spurs. Wondering, really seriously this time, whether there is enough left here for me in blogland to keep me plugging away. There has been a decidedly unsubtle change in the community since the demise of AOL J-land. Indeed, the "community" has all but dried up and blown away. Even those friends mentioned above touch base much less frequently than they used to, be it because of real life involvements, or simply because they have tired of…this place.

The community aspect of the internet experience has moved on to places like Facebook and MySpace. Those are the hotspots, now; they're all about having, flaunting, and making more "friends." Yes, I have a Facebook page. But I almost never go there. I neither understand nor enjoy all the jillion little games and quizzes and snowball fights and whatever that are part and parcel of Facebook land. There is really nothing I can do there, like posting pictures or "writing" to friends and family, that I cannot do—have been doing for the past five years—here on my blog. I guess with my life as full as it is with the trappings of my entrepreneurial endeavor, I don't have the time or energy to pack up and move on to the new neighborhood. I'm sure it's all very nice, and I'm not necessarily dissing anyone who does it. It's just…not for me.

So that leaves me here…one of the last houses on the block with the fire still burning and the lights still on. Leaving the latchstring out…but there's no one around to lift the latch, lean in and say "hi." Most of the time, I'm okay alone. I was alone when I moved in to this neighborhood…more alone than at any other time in my life. I came here in desperation, to get the noise out of my head…with the small germ of a hope that someone might read. Understand? Learn? Relate?

Those things happened…and more. I found I had fallen into a community. I found friends. Something I had not had in a really, really long time. I am not exaggerating when I say that blogging saved my life. Or at least my sanity. And I also found that I could still turn a decent phrase or two…a skill I had thought lost beyond any redemption.

But now, with everyone going on to…wherever they are going…it's down to me and the language and my keyboard. It has to be about me and the writing…which I thought was what it was about when I first embarked on this endeavor. Until I found the community, and realized it was about so much more.

Is the writing enough? Can I bear to keep going, knowing I'm merely a pitiful little squeak in the deafening noise of the blogosphere? Unsure whether all the words I can wring out of my soul are remarkable enough to make anyone stop, read… Understand? Learn? Relate?

Every other time I've come to this juncture, by the time I got to the end of my rant, my mantra would return: I can't not write. Here is where I write. Here I'll stay.

This time?

This time…

I'm not so sure.


  1. OH MY GOSH!! Thank you for the award! What an absolutely awesome award for you and all of us that consider you a friend! Lisa....I know how much writing means to you and you are just soooo damn good at it. It would be a shame NOT to have you here. So please stay. Your readership will expand in time! I actually like this place better than AOL. AOL was just comfortable for us I think because we all started there. I will stay as I've settled in nicely. I am enjoying my new friends here and the huge variety of blogs that I am "following." My writing will probably be in spurts and starts. I do my best writing when there's lots of emotional stuff going on and I can't say that any of that's going on right now.'s boring day to day stuff. I think I am very grateful that there isn't all that drama going on to write about. Maybe I should take a creative writing class!? LOL! Anyway darlin' keep writing! You have so much to say and you say it so damn well! I love your writing! Blessings, Lisa

  2. PS....I will try to be better at staying in touch! It's that damn Cave Man that has me all in a tizzy! Life was easier when boys had cooties! ;) Well, that and two daughters, and a son in Afghanistan, and....I am sure you get the picture! LOL! Hugs to you my friend! Love, Lisa

  3. (((((((((Lisa!!!))))))))
    Congratulations and thank you! You certainly deserve this, and I'm honored to be your friend and more pleased than you can know to receive this award from you. I have a page on Facebook but I don't really "get" Facebook. It all happens here for me, but sometime last year, when my younger brother complained that I wasn't posting enough, I realized that I'd become too caught up in who's stopped by, who's commented, etc. I thought about it and decided that I want to get back to concentrating on my writing, and to that end I'm trying to write and post more, whether anyone comments or not. Tonight I spent a couple of hours writing about perfumes, something that hadn't crossed my mind when I got up this morning, and I don't know whether anyone will read it or care, but I enjoyed writing it (and it's more productive than lying on the gameroom couch, watching Law & Order reruns). As for your writing...I ALWAYS enjoy reading what you have to say. And you are one of the people whom I always read, and whom I always check for posts. I don't always agree with you, and thank goodness - because you always give me something to think about. Which is my way of saying that I, for one, very much hope that you'll keep on writing, my friend. And thank you again for counting me among your friends. That means a lot to me.


  4. Lisa I really hope you stay. I know you don't think your voice is very loud but plenty of us hear it.
    You were the very first person to leave me a comment way back in the day at AOL. You have no idea what that meant to me.

  5. I don't do Facebook, Myspace, or any other damn thing, but I was turned on to your writing a while back by Kathy, and I enjoy it. Now, I don't always agree with you, which makes it all the better, but you are very smart without being self-adoring or a box of self-righteousness. THAT is refreshing. There is an awareness and a strong sense of identity about you. I'll miss you if you go, but I'm hoping you won't.

  6. Lisa, you can't stop blogging. I couldn't stand it. I know that I don't comment like I used to. Heck, I don't write like I used to, but you can't stop blogging. I gave you the friends nod as well, and I mean it. You are my friend, and this is how we connect, so Do Not Stop.

  7. I come by often and don't leave comments because I am soooo busy. I hate it that blog roll is down because it always told me to stop by.

    I post as often as I can but homeschooling is huge..I am on facebook because, well my church friends are.

    Love you!

  8. Oh, don't go! Since I first read your blog more than a year ago you've been on my blogroll. I don't comment often (will try to do better), but you have a way of making me feel close from across the US. You do have a way with the word, and it is my pleasure to hope with you in your struggles, rejoice in your victories, and curiously wait for your decisions. Have you really "come to terms" or are you still on the journey? I think the latter!

  9. Lisa! Thank you so much for the award AND thank you for your patience in my picking it up. LOL

    The hurrier I go, the behinder I get. And then there's just so much stuff ...

    Don't get discouraged. You write so beautifully and so inteligently and so eloquently ... it would be a shame to have you leave us ...

    Blogspot has been a learning curve but after all my huffing and puffing about AOL I find I'm happier here. Weird, huh?

    Keep the faith ... and keep writing. Eventually the readership will pick up. Look what has happened at Women On. Started slow, but it's up to 22!

    Thank you again! I am honored to be your friend and you should know how much I value your honesty.