#6--Solstice Revelations

 

Good lord...

I rolled out a "10 things" with an eye toward kick-starting myself into finishing out the year with a flurry of essays.

AND...

My last post was over a month ago.

In fact, I have just two days left of 2022 to post...anything.

The Solstice has come and gone.  I dutifully inscribed little scraps of paper with "things that no longer serve," and incinerated them in my Solstice Fire.  We'll see where that all goes in the coming year.

In the meantime, the Universe has been nudging me toward the realization that there are some things that no longer serve which I have not been inclined to acknowledge.  Things that are so big and have been a part of my life for so long that it will actually be very difficult to let them go, though they do indeed no longer serve.

One of those things is my business--the thing which kept me going and gave me purpose during some very difficult years.  For more than twenty years, it's been the scrap of floating debris that's kept my head above water through some pretty rough surf.  But now, with our move to Eugene offering us fewer accessible market opportunities, and the Scandinavian Festival becoming a challenge which my ancient work-force has aged out of...it's probably time to close it down.  Not only will that be tough emotionally, but the sheer volume of stuff we'll have to liquidate is a daunting and exhausting thought.

There is one other dear and important thing that has outlived its usefulness in my life, and will have to be put to bed:

This blog.

I'll have to finally acknowledge that the loss of readers and feedback has destroyed my desire to come here and write.  

I came to that realization recently, when I sat and read, as I sometimes do, some of my old essays.  From the old AOL days, and even a bit beyond, when I still had people who came here and left evidence that they had been.  

My writing was GOOD then.  I became a better writer than I had ever thought possible.  Creative.  Clear.  Concise.  

Because I was talking to somebody.

And they were talking back.

"Coming to Terms..." is not that anymore.  And it hasn't been for a very long time.  When I look at the (mostly) crap I've written in the past few years...not only is it infrequent, it's just not very good.  It's not even close to the caliber of stuff I was putting out years ago.  Even when I was losing my sanity trying to play entrepreneur, I could write decent and interesting stuff.

Not anymore.   

I've kept coming here because I thought this would be the corner of "social media" that I could stomach.  Not ugly.  not contentious. "My little corner of the internet."

But it's not social here.  It's just...dead quiet.  

And putting thoughts here is really no better than letting them rattle around in my head.

In September of 2023, this blog will turn 20 years old.  

I'll try to continue to write here until then.  Or at least post photos, or something.  But I think the handwriting is on the wall for "Coming to Terms..."  I'll take the next nine months to wrap up 20 years of...whatever this is.

And, who knows?  Maybe something better, more fitting to my current life, will take its place.

The Universe has so far been very good about providing appropriate replacements when it finally pries my hands off something that no longer serves.

I'm looking forward to finding out what The Universe will find for me this time.