I may have ferreted out the reason behind my less-than-enthusiastic attitude toward Christmas this year. Events political and personal over the past year have served to confirm and expand my religious agnosticism. I think about the season…about what it is supposed to celebrate; and I am split completely asunder. One half of me wants to plug in the tape of Christmases past—the one that has always brought the charm and warmth of nostalgia to the season. The one that is expanded upon every year, with fresh memories and new traditions. The one that contains the continuous thread of the background of the holy story I was practically born knowing. The birth of a saviour. Peace on earth. Good will toward men. The joy of giving—people demonstrating in their gifts to each other, their understanding and appreciation of the gift given to all mankind by their Creator.
But this year….this year is different. It’s painfully obvious that peace on earth is a commodity that the human race doesn’t even value, much less aspire to. Good will toward men? There was precious little good will to be had between fellow Americans of differing political views during the past twelve months. So we couldn’t possibly be accused of trying in any way, shape, or form to spread good will beyond our own borders. If the hideous mess in Iraq represents the best we Americans can do at spreading something over the earth, we surely are hopeless as a society. And we have turned God and religion into weapons of mass destruction. We use Him to destroy other countries. We use Him to destroy each other.
So the other half of me looks at the state of the world this Christmas, and completely loses the last vestiges of faith and hope I might have cherished despite my personal estrangement from the Almighty. Everybody, at one time or another, questions the existence of God. But how serious are those questions, really? Don’t you always keep in the back of your mind the knowledge, the certainty, that there is a God who knows you are questioning, but understands and forgives? (Or the fear that He is towering above, winding up the lightning bolt to heave down and reduce your heretical ass to a pile of ashes…)
For me, this year, that last recognition of God as Iwas taught, is fading. I can see the "god" that most human beings follow credibly being a creation of the human mind. A super embodiment of instinctive human tendencies toward violence and dominance. We invented "god" as a means to create order in our societies, since we couldn’t be trusted to understand and control our own behavior. We understand the concept of the most powerful individual being in control. So we created an all-powerful being that sees all, knows all, and will exact the ultimate punishment if certain rules of an orderly society are not followed. And the thing that all sentient beings fear above all is death…so the reward for following the rules became eternal life.
Frightening, isn’t it? I haven’t altogether discounted the existence of a Supreme Being, or of a realm that exists beyond the borders of our physical existence. There are too many clues, too many hints to the reality of a spiritual world…which suggests a plane so vast and powerful that it regularly "leaks through" to our own plane. But I’m convinced that our concept of "God" is very much our own poor attempt to explain and relate to a power as far beyond our ability to understand as we are above an amoeba’s. Within the tight borders of our own understanding, we envision a god that is a lot like us, only bigger. We even preach that we were created in God’s image… Doesn’t it seem just as likely that, in fact, we have "created" God in ours?
So, you can see how Christmas might be a difficult concept to deal with, for someone who indulges in such heathen contemplation. I wish I could find comfort just indulging in the rituals. But it all feels as fragile as a blown egg. Just a shell, useless without the yolk of the faith which those rituals protect. My husband, who has moved to another room so as not to be present when the lightning bolt hits, says I "overthink" things. I sometimes wonder, though, if the human race isn’t guilty of underthinking God.
Your feelings are well understood. Your critiques of theism are well warranted. I often think it would be nice if the theists would simply go to heaven and leave us here to deal with earth. Ultimately I see a l lot of positive signs. Never before in our history have millions of people gathered together to protest a war. People are ogranizing and taking action at so many different levels that it is truly amazing. The fight for social justice rolls on, and by all accounts it's gaining momentum. Sadly little of this grass roots level work is reported in the mainstream media. But as they say: the revolution will not be televised.
ReplyDeleteWe humans value peace on earth. Don't be fooled by the chicken hawks in Washington who use fear to trick people into supporting this brutal and immoral war. We value peace and harmony. But when people are scared they will do some pretty bad things.
There are many of us who care. Sadly, CNN and NBC and the rest of the media corporations would rather employ generals and other war-makers than peace activists and other progressives. But that's ok. We struggle on. And the change is apparent. Have a wonderful Christmas.
dave
I believe that we are God's hands, eyes, voice. Unfortunately we are being drowned out and the messengers have become more important and louder than the message. Keep, the faith! (and I'll keep praying)
ReplyDeleteJackie
I don't find your ideas "heathen contemplation." I find it deeply spiritual questing. I'm not one to try to evangelize, proselytize or whatever. Though I believe we are created in the image of God/dess, how we reflect that image is beyond me, and I think in our limited capability, we do create god in our own image. The vastness of the Almight is far too great to comprehend, and I feel that all we get are hints, glimmers and clues. Remember that story about the blind men describing the elephant -- one described the leg, another the trunk, another the back, another the ear. The danger lies when we allow only one perception to become the "ultimate" image of God/dess, in my opinion. So much harm has been done in the name of religions over the years that turning your back on religion sometimes seems to make sense. In that turn, if you begin to explore your questions and beliefs, despite how painful that can be, I think it can be a very rewarding process that leads somewhere better.
ReplyDeleteI've thought much the same thoughts as you. It's taken a while but I find the concept of "God" seeping back into my thoughts and understanding. I like to call him/her/it Universe now though. Because I believe our minds are too small to really grasp the reality of the greater spiritual realm. Collectively, humanity, is in the crapper right now. As such, I try to focus on the individuals who are doing great things. They are out there. That's what gives me hope. However, it's good to keep in my mind that no one is perfect. Look for the good, in that you'll find hope. :-) ---Robbie
ReplyDeleteIt is ironic that every major war in the history of the world has hinged on religious matters. I will never understand how people can read the bible and completely miss its message. The most important part of Christ's teachings was that institutionalised religion and the worship of The Lord are mutually exclusive concepts.
ReplyDelete-Paul
http://journals.aol.ca/plittle/AuroraWalkingVacation/
Instead of thinking to a belief as religion try thinking as all of us being Spiritual beings.... Spirituality is much more appealing than religion for me.
ReplyDeleteOccassionally I think all human beings question God which is our very essence is it not? This art of questioning.....if it weren't for this trait we would certainly still be roaming the country side in packs of nomadic family groups. You and I would not have ever "met" and had the luxury of these questions.
ReplyDeleteCurious how doubt can fester and consume.
Thank you for your heartfelt and authentic entry. I struggle with agnoticism, too, although I still go to church I find that it means less and less. Don't know why I'm still there, actually, other than tradition, habit, and maybe still a vestige of hope that something meaningful might happen. Here's hoping that you and I can catch a little bit of holiday spirit this year.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you're saying and respect it. I'm sorry that you seem to have lost your hopefulness about our world. Personally, I think that I need to have something to believe in. I DO find goodness in people--every single day. Unfortunately, I think it's harder to find the good, but I believe it is there waiting for us to find.
ReplyDelete<<There are too many clues, too many hints to the reality of a spiritual world…which suggests a plane so vast and powerful that it regularly "leaks through" to our own plane. But I’m convinced that our concept of "God" is very much our own poor attempt to explain and relate to a power as far beyond our ability to understand as we are above an amoeba’s. Within the tight borders of our own understanding, we envision a god that is a lot like us, only bigger. We even preach that we were created in God’s image… Doesn’t it seem just as likely that, in fact, we have "created" God in ours? >>
ReplyDeleteI don't believe that we created God in our image, but I understand exactly what you mean -- because we have only our paltry language and vision to describe something vastly beyond our comprehension. As far as "heathen contemplation" -- ha! you wish! -- your thoughts seem deeply religious to me.
I do think, though, that you might be looking in the wrong direction. Christmas is not about charm and nostalgia, despite the fact that ads and malls are trying to convince us otherwise. Christmas is about exactly all the things that you find so compelling . If God really did come to earth, in human baby form, to a minority population in an empire run by ruthless military dictators, and then grew up to preach that everything is the reverse of how we see it, and then got executed for his trouble -- well, that is not a God who has anything to do with tinsel and mini-ipods. That is a God who has everything to do with all the things you care about.
(Beautifully written, Lisa, and I love the ameoba analogy.)