Rebuilding

Is this what it feels like to actually make forward progress? It’s been so long since I’ve had that feeling, I almost didn’t recognize it when it hit me this weekend. I thought it was heartburn…

I very nearly over-prepared for the weekend. Spent a week and a half making lists, checking things off, arranging and rearranging. By the time I rolled out of the driveway on Thursday morning, I was SO ready. And of course, I knew that I would get to Astoria and realize I had forgotten something important. The cash drawer. Brought the money, but not the drawer. Duh! So, I set up my till in a cardboard box. (Only had to make do with that for a couple of hours, until the white knight [husband] arrived Friday evening.)

I didn’t used to be a wimp. I have never been a paragon of aplomb; I mostly got along by faking it. Events of the last decade of my life have worked to erode even that false bravado. As I gather the responsibility for my business up to myself, the resulting feeling of empowerment has been reward enough for facing the crisis of self-confidence that I battle every time I have to sally forth on my own. This surge of competence …it’s not a rush, exactly. More like a growing force; an electrical element lighting, warming, then glowing red as it converts the power that feeds it into heat. I’m too old, too experienced for "rushes." Even this period of rebirth is taking its toll…I’ve slogged through today completely dog tired. The result of the old dog taking on the task of learning new tricks, I suppose. Or relearning old ones.

So it was a good weekend. I sallied forth on my own, stood on my own two feet, with no one behind me to push or catch me, and made it happen. The results were promising. Old customers sought us out and let us know how glad they were to see us return. New devotees were recruited. Contacts were made; business cards changed hands. We saw a substantial sales increase over the same event last year.  I didn’t hurt myself. I didn’t break any equipment.  And we had a good time.

Driving home, I was blasting the Eurythmics Greatest Hits on the CD player. Along came the song, "Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves." I suddenly recognized it as my personal anthem. Rock on!