So, it's been 22 days since the meltdown. Not very good of me to broadcast evil tidings and then disappear. Does anyone wonder what's happening? I do. Wonder…
I wonder…is this how other couples fight? It feels so out of the ordinary to be us. We don't have those loud, "he said, she said" arguments. We just seem to suddenly realize how miserable we are. With each other. To each other. And then we try on the idea of being apart. But it just hurts so badly, feels so empty to be so far apart from each other, that we make up our minds to give it one more try. And one more. And one more.
In fact, we had to make it work, at least for a little while. Right in the middle of our biggest event of the year, the one where my whole family is involved, was not a good time for us to come apart. So, as things tend to go, we held it together for the benefit of other people, and found we do indeed still have something we want to hold together. So our fragile truce is holding. Sometimes, the bond between us feels like titanium…other times, like spun glass.
Have I mentioned that I am one of those people who always has music running through her head? Sometimes it's a song that has no meaning…something I've heard on the radio that sticks like glue and plays over and over until I'd happily unload a .44 into my skull just to get rid of it.
But sometimes it's something sent to me…by Someone, from Somewhere. A couple of days ago, I got this song… And I realized it's now Our Song:
Whatever it is, it will keep 'til the morning
Haven't we both got better things to do?
Midnight blue…
Even the simple things become rough;
Haven't we had enough?
And I think we can make it
One more time, if we try
One more time for all the old times…
For all of the times you told me you need me
Needing me now is something I could use
Midnight blue
Wouldn't you give your hand to a friend?
Maybe it's not the end…
And I think we can make it
One more time, if we try…
One more time for all the old times…
Midnight blue
I think we can make it…I think we can make it…
Wouldn't you give your heart to a friend?
Think of me as your friend….
And I think we can make it
One more time…if we try
One more time for all of the old old times….
--Melissa Manchester/Carol Bayer Sager
Praying only the best for each of you on your journey together.
ReplyDeleteAnd lighting candles. Amen.
ReplyDeleteMarriage can be hard sometimes, but I am rooting for you...Take care, Sheila
ReplyDeleteWhen I marry couples I tell them that marriage is like two rocks bouncing along in a pond or a pocket. The rocks bump up against each other chipping away the rough edges until they become smooth and polished. Marriage is intended for each person to help the other become the best version of themselves that they can, to love, honor, and cherish. But that helping the other should never come at the expense of closing off or hurting the self. Still, it is hard work learning to live, love, support, help grow, and grow ourselves - as a couple. It is hard. Married 25 years last week and I can say from experience, it is hard. But to date, it has been worth it for me, us, to stick it out and continue to work through. But that's because the life-giving moments outweigh the life-taking moments. Prayers for you and your husband. May the giving of heart and hand be life-giving for you both.
ReplyDeleteLisa, I've been thinking about this since you first posted it, wishing I could wave my Glinda wand and erase the pain emanating from your words. Oh wait, I'm Elphie. Not good news.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that I, as an individual, have been nourished by your words and that we, as a family, have been nourished by the food you and Matt have put before us. However this goes, it is my deep hope that the two of you can find a way to nourish and care for one another through the days and weeks and months ahead.
Love you, my friend.