Onward and Outward

So…

 

For the first time in many months, I’m allowing myself to get ever-so-guardedly stoked about something having to do with getting off my butt and making a living.

 

And it is NOT the Bird Shop job (I have not heard back from the guy, and I don’t expect to…)

 

Thinking about it long and hard, I had to allow that working for someone else, no matter how close the job might brush up against one of my passions, was simply a non-starter.  After all these years (the last time I punched a clock for someone else was 2004) there is just no way I could re-insert myself into that employer/employee dynamic.  I cannot see setting myself up to fail.  Again.

 

The out-of-the-blue job call-back did do me one favor, though.  It made me realize that I am done waiting around for the Universe to drop a livelihood in my lap.  I HAVE a livelihood—my concession business—which, luckily, I never abandoned. 

 

For the past twenty months, I’ve been trying to puzzle out a way to arrange my life around my spiritual direction.  I believe I’ve finally come to realize that is just not going to happen.  Yes, I’m an introspective sort of person.  But I am also a person who needs to be active.  If my body is not moving, everything freezes up.  I just go into stasis.  Completely.  Body, mind, creativity, emotions all just stop.  I have to make a life which includes spirituality, not make spirituality my life.  I’d make a terrible contemplative. 

 

Now is the time to prime the motor, rev it up and get it going forward.  It seems I am truly unable to function any other way.