April Gets an "F"

Yeah...  So, I failed.

Didn't get those ten entries posted last month. 

All I can say is, what with the state of the country and the abominable Pacific Northwest winter, things are so depressing that I can't whip up enough interest in much of anything to bother committing it to "paper."

Too...I have been keenly feeling my increasing internet invisibility.  Can't really GET too much more invisible here on "Coming to Terms..."  But I don't seem to be much of a force on Facebook , either.  Don't attract the notice of too many of my "friends" around that community, any more. 

As much as I have been wrestling and ruing the "old fart" behaviors I've developed in the past few years...it seems like some things never change.  I'm still that shy, forlorn seven-year-old, walking around the playground at recess all by herself, watching all the other kids playing together; wondering why I am on the outside looking in.

At first, the internet seemed like the place where that old dynamic was going to finally be put in the past.  But, as it happens...not so much.

I'm sure it's entirely my own fault.  There is that old saying, "In order to HAVE friends, you have to BE one."  As a kid, I guess I never had a good idea of how to BE a friend.  I think I wanted too much that I was unable/unwilling to give in return.    

And I think, half a century later, that's still the case.  In real life, in the ether...I am who I am.  Who I always will be, apparently. 

Enough of that, now. 

I'm not giving up my goals on the blog.  Just because I failed the month of April, I am not now going to walk away and dust off my hands, never to return to this place...  This place that was once a vibrant community room, full of life and conversation and sharing.  It has become at once a place of quiet contemplation, and my personal rubber room in which to rant and scream and cry and laugh.

Not the same, but useful, nonetheless.

So I'll be back.