Monday, April 4, 2005

Hold the Goodbyes

The ranks of old AOL journalers, the ones who have been with it from the early days, are continuing to dwindle. In the last two weeks, two of the very few journals I read were abruptly mothballed by their authors. Many of the most prominent people on the original scene are long gone…moved on…ran out of things to write about…decided they were too invested in journaling and went back to their "real" lives. Played with the toy, tired of it, and tossed it aside.

My own journal experience has been one of ups and downs. The up of realizing that for the first time I was writing stuff that other people were actually going to read. The down of feeling I’d lost my voice in an attempt to lure and/or please those readers. The high of discovering the unimagined benefit of becoming part of a community. The low of realizing that the community was as inconsistent as the ether it was built upon.

But through it all, blogging, journaling, call it what you will, has been a tremendous rebirth for me. It rekindled my ardor for the written word. Though I had never really stopped writing since scribbling my first independent (non-school-assignment) story when I was about thirteen, my writing had degenerated to a form of self-psychiatric-treatment. During the hardest times of my life, writing was simply a form of venting; penning the circular answers to the unanswerable questions with which the act of living had filled my head to the point of bursting. Written by me, for me. Though a spark of desire to once again put the written word back to the work for which it was intended—communication with other human beings outside myself—always remained alive deep inside my soul.

Posting my first several journal entries, the ones that nobody but me ever read, I despaired that I had lost "It." The gift, the zeal, even the language…all buried under decades of selfish, inward prose that did not have meaning to anyone but me. But as I immersed myself in the blogging experience, I swept away those layers of mold, rot, dust, and cobwebs. Reading and thinking about the other voices out there, I rehabilitated my own long-disused tongue. As the weeks and months went by, I polished my skills. Remembered how much I loved to write. Remembered that I actually do have a talent for it. Wondered how I ever could have let myself get so far away from it.

I’m left to believe that we who remain here on the journal scene after the eighteen-month "honeymoon" period, are those of us who, on some level, are serious writers. Some published, some not, some whose writings will never see print beyond the world of the blog. But all of us are people who have something to say and feel most drawn, most fulfilled, putting our thoughts on paper, even if only virtual paper. I don’t see myself giving that up any time soon. And I hope there are at least a few more die-hards out there that are going to stay here with me.

24 comments:

  1. Hmmmmm......I wasn't planning to go anywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  2. When I first started reading this I thought you were going to follow suit and stop journaling. I have just recently discovered your journal and while my commenting habits are lax, I just wanted to post tonight that I am glad you are hanging in there. Your journal is wonderful.
    Candace

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey! You helped get me into this. I'm not going anywhere. Now if I could just figure out how to crochet or knit and type at the same time. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm here with you girl.  When I saw your title, I nearly panicked.  My first thought was, Oh no, not Lisa, too! I'm glad you're here.  I'm glad you love blogging as much as I do, and I'm so glad I've gotten to know you here, as ethereal as this connection might be.  You are simply a wonderful writer who ought to be published beyond your journal, and I'd love to see you shoot for that, but more than that I hope you always enjoy writing and appreciate the gift you have.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lisa,

    I don't know if I fall in the die-hard crowd. My current journal was started last August, but my first journal began in February of last year. So I've been blogging for over a year now. And I'm very glad I've found you. I think it's natural that some of our fellow bloggers will go away. I hope you hang in there because I love the way you write. Your 'voice' is wonderful. You have a uncanny talent for phrasing things that just leaves me in awe at times.

    I love to write. And it's just lovely to have an audience, even if it is a little tiny one. I think we have a wonderful community here. I was day-dreaming today about what fun it would be to take a road-trip across the country and spend a little time with each of my favorite bloggers.  LOL. I really think we have something special.

    I'm sticking with ya!  Don't you go nowhere on me now!  

    dave

    http://journals.aol.com/ibspiccoli4life/RandomThoughtsfromaProgressiveMi

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lisa,

    Oh see, I just noticed your blog was created in September of 2003 so that's only five months before I started....does that put me in the die-hard crowd?  Please?  LOL

    dave

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've been saddened by some of the losses, too.  I like what writing in my journal for such a long time says about me---I am normally so uncommitted to anything and I drop things as soon as I lose interest, and this has shown me that I love to write and that I never really want to stop.

    I remember the first entry I ever read of yours.  I hope you never stop writing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I understand writing everyday or several times a week can be more exhausting than one realizes....
    I sometimes think I spend to much time on it
    Donna In TEXAS

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes, ypu are correct in that "The honeymoon is over".  I have found I am not writing as much, not because I have nothing to say but just the opposite I have way too much to say . Where do I begin, which of my ideas do I want to share. I find myself contemplaing things more. Lisa I am glad you are still here along with the others who have been here since AOL journals conception.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am a lurker in your journal but this entry is begging me for a comment. People talk about the "real world" and the need toget back to it. This (the internet) is part of the real world. My journal is a part of my world.......My writing is for me and if you are enjoying reading it, I welcome you to my part of the world. I don't guess I quite qualify for an old timers award, LOL I started my journal on April 15th, 2004.
    Celeste
    http://journals.aol.com/csandhollow/Mydayandthoughts/

    ReplyDelete
  11. Truthfully, I don't know if my life has that much to say for 18 months... I'm just taking an entry at a time when I feel like it. ...   but I am disappointed to read some really great, now defunct journals that I've found by link hopping.   So I may not last 18 months or even 12, but I'll still be here reading everyone.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Seasons come and seasons go. This is no different than any other aspect of life. Don't let a lament for lost friends prevent you from seeking out new ones. For every journaler who gets bored and falls off the map, several new ones arrive. Sure, many of them are same old, same old, but the diamonds in the rough are out there. Seek them out.
    -Paul
    http://journals.aol.ca/plittle/AuroraWalkingVacation/

    ReplyDelete
  13. I have been counting the drop outs myself.  I have slowed down on my posts because of live pressing in on me, and I have found out that people I know are "lurking" in my jnl.  It has inhibited me a little.  But I agree, those of us who just love writing will do it, readers or no readers, because of the gratification that comes from creating something from within.  The comments are wonderful,  Feeling part of a community is wonderful, even if the neighbors are moving and new ones coming in.  I do find it hard to find new substantial jnls...but I do from time to time.  Everytime I see a "goodbye" in a title from one of my "old" jnl buddies I panic.  

    ReplyDelete
  14. I have been reading your journal for a long long time and never commented but this entry is the kind a person replies to. I lurked for over a year because i was scared of what people would think. But then i got to the point where i HAD to express myself and i now comment freely and have made some friends that mean a great deal to me. It sooths my crazy soul to write and open up. I am glad you have a journal and i love how you write. I too miss those who have stopped. I understand it but i hope they come back someday.
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
  15. "It rekindled my ardor for the written word.  writing was simply a form of venting; communication with other human beings outside myself"...These key phrases represent exactly what creating and tending a journal in this medium means to me.  I, too, had forgotten how much I love to write and even though it's never earth shattering or particularly illuminating, it gives me pleasure and makes me happy to write my thoughts and reminiscences and read those of others.  I, too, am a rather solitary person and sharing in this journal world gives me a connection that works for me.  Yours is a journal of superior quality; I'm so pleased I discovered it shortly after stumbling on the journaling aspect of AOL.  And don't lament over unread early entries, Lisa.  When I find a journal that grabs my attention, I go back to the first entry and start there.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that.  Carry on!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I've been journaling in some form for nearly 30 years... Making the switch from paper to on-line journaling has been a rollercoaster ride of good & bad experiences...but more good than bad. There are some really terrific people pecking away at their keyboards & it is an honor and a blessing to be able to enter into so many different lives:)

    ReplyDelete
  17. I've been keeping one journal after another since 1971, books I go back thru to renew myself, and remember where I have been, where I thought I would go.  To borrow a phrase, what a long strange trip it's been.  Truly.  And a grand one, for the most part.  I have seen seveeral journalers leave, and new ones come on, in the short time I have been involved with the online journal, it's a part of the pageantry of life.  Dylan said it a long time ago, he not busy bein' born is busy dyin'...ain't it the truth.  Great entry.  I hope to see you in these pages for a long time to come.  Bruce  

    ReplyDelete
  18. I still wonder what it's all for Lisa.  Yet I keep writing and I'm glad you do too.

    http://annie.blog-city.com/

    ReplyDelete
  19. How about newer die-hards? Your point about serious writers makes a lot of sense. I see that you have comments here from some of the best writers in this community, and I can see why.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I love to blog (and to read others' blogs).  If I ever quit, it will be because my loved ones feel that I have invaded their privacy too much. I need to continue to be cautious about that. In fact, I have gone back and edited old entries to take out "identifying" info that had crept in there.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am new to the journals and I was a bit disappointed to see that some of the people that sparked an interest to me were ending their journals. I keep hearing about the 18 month thing. Is that the average time that people keep there jouranls before stopping? I hope that you do stay even if it is for yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I agree with you on this whole entry....now I have to figure out who else quit.  I have been so swamped with my "real" life that I haven't even had time to read my must read daily journals in days and days.  Yours is one because as you put it, you afe good at this.


    :)

    I am a die hard that will stay because I write for much the same reasons you write...it is inbreed in my soul.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Mine is at the fifteen month stage...but I lost two months when the computer was broken. I miss many of the old ones, too...I read yours because it is, quite simply, one of the most intelligent ones.  

    ReplyDelete
  24. I am here with you...  Can't say that I am one of the true writers, especially of late, but I put my heart in to it!  Keep it up girlfriend!  Lisa

    ReplyDelete