Friday, January 30, 2009

Wrapping It Up

It has been a tough winter, and it promises to get nothing but tougher, from a business and a personal point of view. The economic outlook scares the bejeezus out of me; I can't even think too much about it, lest I throw my hands over my head, assume the fetal position and go catatonic.

At home, my oldest kitty—the one who has hung in there through eighteen years, four homes, and a "Mom" who has gone from workaholic restaurant manager to semi-retired stay-at-home and back to workaholic—looks like she is in her last days. There's something about the short days of midwinter that saps the life force away from the weakest flames…

And so it's become apparent to me that another ending is also in the cards. Actually, it has already happened…but it has taken me this long to acknowledge it. "Coming to Terms…" has run its course.

I said in my previous post that "I came here (to blogland) in desperation, to get the noise out of my head…with the small germ of hope that someone might read." I thought I could go back to that. Thought that I really was "okay alone." But I'm not.

Regardless of what "…Terms…" started out as, it became rooted in AOL J-land. It was my presence in the community. It was my voice, my telephone line, my letter-box, and sometimes my soapbox; where my friends indulgently smiled and patted me on the head when I climbed up and shook my finger at the world… And though I was always more on the outskirts of the community that in the midst of it, I stayed. Through the "Unwanted Ad Exodus" and beyond, I stayed. Through generations of readers that came and went, I stayed. It was my place…it had welcomed me when I was at a particularly lonely juncture in my life. And so…I stayed.

And I sweated and cried and toiled over my keyboard for hours when AOL decided to shut its doors. The race to save the blog took energy I did not have and could not spare, but it was essential. But I know now…though the blog is saved, though five years of essays are here, many of them are meaningless. Silly, even. Because they tell the story of getting to know and being a member of a community that no longer exists. "Coming to Terms…" was a unique part of a unique place. And now that the place is gone, "…Terms…" has lost its purpose.

It's possible I will start another blog, under another name, where I can re-establish that theme of writing to get the demons out of my head, and taking the chance that someone might read. But I can't wrestle "Coming to Terms…" back into that mold. It is way beyond that, an entirely different entity than it was when it started. It is not a place I come to be alone.

So…this is


and goodbye to my sweet Bebebe, who slipped away quietly this evening... Bebebe


  1. Say it isn't so. Really if you aren't happy with it anymore It's probably a good thing for now. But, hey drop me an e mail and let me know how it's going. And I'll keep up with you too


  2. Oh Lisa!!! I can't believe this!! I just got back into the swing of things and you are not going to stay?? Maybe you just need a hiatus? I started a private blog for my Al Anon stuff, because Cave Man suggested I was a little too emotional! What the hell! I want a place to vent and release the hurt, so I decided to do the private one as well as Wearin' My Heart. I know YOU HAVE TO WRITE and can't imagine you giving it up, but I understand as I went thru that as well. It's the ups and downs of life, and they take their toll. So sorry about your kitty. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Keep my email...cherokeefeathermom AT ATT DOT NET! Love you! Lisa

  3. You simply can't, not without starting another blog. You just can't.

  4. I've always enjoyed reading your posts, and if you stop, I'll miss them. But the need to move on is something I understand very well.

    Best of luck to you, Lisa, whatever you do.


  5. p.s. - and I'm so sorry about Bebebe.

  6. Lisa,
    I hope if you start something new that you will leave a link here for all of us who love to read what you write and those who have followed you for years.
    I am so sorry to hear about your kitty friend.
    Good luck with everything!

  7. Lisa, I am so sorry about Bebebe. What a sweet and lovely kitty, and I know a painful loss for you.

  8. Thank you all for your condolences on Bebe.

    She departed peacefully, lying on the couch as we watched TV, and we were just present with her in a very ordinary way. I wanted her to have that, rather than all the disruption and trauma of packing her up and taking her to the vet for "the shot;" and The Universe granted me that blessing, this time around.

  9. And so, Lisa, you've come to terms. I can't understand how people can continue to write on a daily or even semi basis. I keep thinking I'll get back to Country but it doesn't seem to be happening. Reading your posts and following your amazing journey through life has been one of the mainstays of my daily life. I wish you the very best of luck in these very difficult times. I'm so sorry about the loss of your feline friend. I'll miss your writing but I understand completely.

  10. I don't believe it. I am so sorry about BeBe.

  11. I've been a silent reader of your blog for a couple of years. I tend not to comment on blogs because mine is private and I think it is rude to not allow someone the opportunity to respond. But I am making this one exception, it just feels important.

    I'd like to tell you I think you are brave for the path you've chosen and it is clear you've given 110 percent. As for your writing ability, it is nothing short of amazing. Out of the dozens of blogs I have read, yours is one of the 4 I HAD to read.

    I hope for you that light at the end of the tunnel you seek and have worked so hard for becomes a reality. I also hope you can find your way back to writing when you are ready and on your terms.

    Lastly, I am truly sorry for the loss of Bebe. 18 years is a long life and a true testament of how well loved and cared for your precious pet was.

    Take care Lisa

  12. Hi Lisa. I'm Bridgett. I just read your comment over at Remo's blog...and I had to come over and give you some major kudos. :)

    I had to stop following him because I'm just SO SICK of reading his hate spewing. President Obama has been in office less than a month and already, he's the worst president the country has ever seen.


    Anyway...we're very like-minded, I'm also a wannabe writer, and I figured we could commiserate together. :)

    BTW..I'm so sorry about your kitty. :(

  13. I just realized you're not writing anymore. :(

    Figures. Day late, dollar short, darnit.


  14. You must do what you must... but go knowing you will be missed. If you decide to begin again, please let your blogger friends know.

    I'm glad you were able to give Bebebe the parting gift of your love and presence just as you shared your love in her lifetime.

    Hugs and best wishes!