Ten Minute Stream of Thought...No Editing

I have mentioned that what I do not want is a job. And that is still true…though I do want/need something to DO. Sitting around the house dealing with little household things is not really making my life feel worthwhile. Though I have a new appreciation for doing absolutely nothing; inspired, I’m sure, by five years of having no time to do that. I realize that one’s life needs those “do-nothing” periods of refreshment. Time without that is what leads to what we call “burn-out.” And I think I am an expert on that particular phenomenon.

So I’ve been giving some thought about What I Want To Do With My Life. And I’m coming to the conclusion that, while making money is a needful thing (especially since I have so much guilt surrounding the $40000 second mortgage we carried away from the café) it cannot be the only thing. Or even the main thing. I once read (or tried to read) a book called Do What You Love, The Money Will Come. Or something like that. Anyway, the book was full of crap, but I think I’ve finally, though the School of Hard Knocks, learned that the concept is true. But you can even leave out the “money” part. Just…do what you love. Now I have to figure out what that is.

It occurred to me that I should take my love of all things Christmas and run with it. What would be wrong with starting a Christmas shop? The stupid little voice in my head sneers, “you know those kind of things never make any money. You’ll be out of business in a matter of months.” But I’m inclined to ignore the little voice in my head…now moreso than ever. Because I’ve seen what can happen to you when you get involved in something you really don’t love…or it quickly degenerates into something you don’t love…when it’s All About The Money.

I realize now that I never loved food enough to make a go of a restaurant. I KNEW food. It was what I had been doing for most of my life. And I thought I was good enough at it to be successful. That was pretty much all about the money, wasn’t it? And in the end, that wasn’t enough. Because if you don’t love and enjoy something enough to let it BE your life, it shouldn’t BE your life.

Time now for me to start thinking outside the “success” box and gravitate toward the “fulfillment” box. I want to be happy with what I do. I want to be stoked every time I show up to do…whatever it is. The Universe has given me a unique opportunity to do this…I don’t NEED money, even if life will be a little more strapped without it. I could be happy not having the cash but loving what I do. I really could.