Things of the Spirit

Last night, I was inspired to a bit of envy through a friend’s blog entry. She described a vision she had for someone she knew who had experienced a loss. I have another friend who actually journeys with her Spirit Guide. And another who is able to see auras around other people.

I admit I’m envious that these women have a more advanced ability than I to perceive or even walk through The Veil. The extent of my personal contact with the mystical is that I have vaguely precognitive dreams from time to time. I wonder why I haven’t been entrusted with a more advanced gift of spiritual cognition. It’s frustrating to know that “It” is there, all around us, but I personally don’t have the ability to perceive it as other people do.

But that’s life, isn’t it? We are all given different gifts. If we were all the same, perhaps there would be more peace and harmony (or perhaps not); but we would suffer for the loss of the infinite diversity that is the hallmark of Creation.

It’s not my job to be a petulant child and whine to the Universe about the quality of gift I’ve been given. It doesn’t do to covet another person’s diamond when I’m holding a perfect ruby right in my hand. I believe my gift is Understanding. Understanding that even though I don’t personally experience something, this does not mean that other people can’t or don’t. Maybe I’m meant to be a sort of liaison between the mystical and the utterly practical; the person charged with demonstrating that the two points of view are not mutually exclusive.

It’s almost time to crawl out of the little cocoon I spun for myself after closing the restaurant. I’m peeking out with one eye, trying to determine a direction to go once I’m out. Not so easy to do when you’ve reached the (rather unsatisfactory) end of the dream you held for thirty years. But it occurs to me that in order to chose a direction, I have to determine what I want. Up until today, these thoughts have focused on material things. I want to be free of the last of the restaurant debt. I want to redecorate my bedroom. I want a covered deck. I want a beach house (might as well dream big, as long as you’re dreaming…) In the back of my mind, I must believe that kindling a desire for these things will jump-start me in the direction of The Thing I Do Not Want—a job. And the shark under those waters which I’m also reluctant to encounter: Should I decide I want/need a job, there is no guarantee, at my age, with my resume and in this economy, that I will be able to get one. Won’t that be life-affirming?

Possibly the Universe is hiding a little lesson in my sudden covetousness of cognitive abilities beyond what I currently possess. As I pondered how lucky my friend was to be gifted with visions, a thought crept into a corner of my consciousness: How much would you like to have that gift? As much as you want that covered deck or that beach house? Back in my fundamentalist Christian days, we used to call that “being convicted.” Food for thought, certainly.

I realize that I have never actually weighed material things and things of the spirit with the same scale. They have always been separate, and often conflicting, facets of life. You could never really embrace the best that one side offered without cheating the other, somehow. Perhaps the Universe is prompting me to begin integrating the two, and to choose a priority for that One Life. Wow. At my age?

Don’t think I’m not, now, trying to figure out how I can have visions AND a beach house…