Friday, May 11, 2012

Ten Minutes: One Year, Part 2

Yesterday, I stopped by the salon across the street from the café, where I used to have my hair done.  My sister was having HER hair done, and I wanted to tell her to meet us down the road at the pizza place when she was done (this IS a small town, y’know…)   The owner of the shop (who used to do my hair) said hello…made a little small talk.  I didn’t get the big greeting or the big hug or the “we’ve missed you!”  I think she’s a little miffed that she’s lost my custom.  Then again, if it hadn’t been for ME, she wouldn’t have two of my sisters, my brother-in-law and my husband as clients (who continue to use her services.) 

Later, when my sister joined us at the pizza joint, she mentioned that hairdresser “C” had said she was afraid that I might be depressed.  That I should wear make-up and keep up my appearance (to whose standards, I wonder?  And I WAS wearing make-up, BTW…)  That I needed to “take care of myself.”  It all served to bring home the fact that I am indeed a different person than I was a year ago.  And I’m pretty sure the “business owner/manager” person I was in those days was not, in fact, ME.  One of the clear reasons I had to let the restaurant go: I had lost myself and had no idea who I was anymore.  Not only that, but I did not like the person I had become.  And nobody else did, either.

In the café days, I dressed a certain way and groomed myself a certain way largely because I thought my position required it.  (And, if I had to work like a sweat-hog, I didn’t want to look like one, too…)  That look is no longer important or useful to me.  I’m not so sure that, even if I tried to maintain it, it wouldn’t be a constant painful reminder of a difficult period in my life.  These days, with the extra pounds, my hair growing out, and my casual, comfortable wardrobe, I look a lot more like the person I was six or eight years ago  (with a few extra wrinkles, bags and gray hairs.)  I’m not entirely sure that’s who I want to be either…but I know I liked her a whole lot more than Restaurant Owner Me. 

I know going backwards is never the way…but I think sometimes we need to retrace our steps a little to get back on the right track.


  1. I believe we all try to revert back to our center when we deviate away. Growing older certainly has it's benefits one of them being we do not have to wear make up to go to the grocery store! lol.

  2. Gosh, what she said about you, to your sister, so she knows it would come back to you, is terrible. Keep on enjoying the evolving authentic you.

  3. You're you and that's all that matters. Enjoy your retreat on The Mountain. If there's a shaman involved, anything could happen. (in a good way)

  4. Like the GBS quote on your sidebar! I think you have grown significantly, and seem a lot less depressed than a year ago! I wish it were as simple as some make it appear to find the thing of 'passion' in our lives. So we keep testing and looking - being honorable and doing something - even if others don't see it that way.