A Restaurant Rant by Someone Who Used to Run One

 

Well, it happened again.  I read an article online that got my dander up and my rebuttal juices flowing.  

The article was posted by no less a hallowed hospitality industry publication than Bon Apetit magazine. And the subject?  Why banning kids from restaurants is an unpardonable sin.  In fact, some brilliant headline writer associated with the magazine came up with this gem: "If You Don't Want Kids in Restaurants, You Should Just Stay Home."

The writer, whom I can only assume is an entitled millennial of child-bearing age, maybe even with critters of her own, opines (or whines...which would be characteristic of the breed) that children belong in restaurants, as some sort of outgrowth of the "it takes a village" theory.  In her mind, the idea of "community" is so endangered in our society today that the entire dining public should take on the responsibility of reviving it by tolerating loud, obnoxious, undisciplined youngsters running all over any eating establishment upon whom  parents choose to inflict them. 

She posits that the very purpose of a restaurant is to be "a perfect place for parents to teach their kids how to be people around other people, and the perfect place to teach parents how to shepherd their kids through the world."  I suppose if this were true, it might even be valid.  But, increasingly, the experience of kids coming to restaurants is a matter of entitled millennial (or whatever generation) parents refusing to alter their lifestyle just because they chose to procreate.  They WILL continue to do whatever the hell they want, drag their children in tow, and the rest of the world not only needs to put up with it, but needs to take on the responsibility of "teaching their kids how to be people," because the parents are too busy socializing--either in person or on various hand-held media--to absorb lessons in "how to shepherd their kids through the world."  Let the staff and the other patrons take care of their kids.  It costs enough to eat out nowadays...isn't child care part of the package?

I am a member of the Baby Boom generation.  "Boom" as in, a lot of people had lots of kids in the twenty years following the end of World War II.  I was one of five children in our family.  That there was not enough money lying around to take a family of 7 to a restaurant in those days is entirely beside the point.  There was no way my parents were going to even attempt to keep us all in line long enough to sit down and eat a meal  like polite human beings in front of strangers.  They knew better.  We got treated to McDonalds, A & W, Dog 'n' Suds, & Tastee Freez, occasionally, and in those days, those places did not have indoor seating.  But, you know what?  We were thrilled with the treat. 

I--the youngest of the brood--was in junior high before I went into a sit-down restaurant with my parents.     

When we were little, a lot of my mother's large extended family were celebrating 50th wedding anniversaries, and some of the older offspring were getting married.  When children were included in the invitations to these receptions, we were basically threatened with death if we didn't stay in our seats, try to use the correct dishes and flatware, and behave ourselves during the meal.  We would never have thought about running around and disrupting the place as children do at restaurants now. And my parents would not have allowed it.

In the 21st century, there are dozens of restaurant chains specifically designed to cater to families and children.  Places like Chuck E. Cheese--or any pizza parlor, really--IHOP, Olive Garden, to name a few.  These did not even exist when I was a kid.  The industry saw a market niche and endeavored to appeal to it.  BUT...

Today's parents don't want to take their kids to a place where they actually belong.  Parents have rights.  They have the right to drag children to any place adults are welcome.  And they're by god going to do it, or shoot scathing "Yelp" reviews at any restaurant that even hints that noisy, bratty, undisciplined children might be an inconvenience or even a physical danger to the staff and the rest of the patrons.  

It occurred to me that I don't really know why I'm taking the time to write this essay...  We haven't eaten in a sit-down restaurant in three years.  And aren't likely to any time soon, unless the industry starts taking steps to make their dining rooms less breeding grounds for airborne infection.  (Which they could do...but won't.)  But, honestly, the tone of the Bon Apetit article, and particularly the headline, make me want to risk COVID just to demonstrate that I will not be told I should be excluded from the "community" of eating at restaurants because undisciplined, out-ot-control youngsters are going to take precedence over me. 

And they're going to bring their kids.