It’s been an odd last couple of days. Been suffering a bit of depression over returning from a too-short vacation. Why would I need a vacation? It’s not exactly like I’ve been working too hard. In fact, that’s part of what’s bothering me.
It’s funny to read other women telling how busy they are…how there aren’t enough hours in a day to do all they need to do. My problem is quite the opposite. I can’t keep busy. Actually, it’s not that I couldn’t tear my whole house apart and clean it from top to bottom. Or get back to work on the decorating projects I suspended last spring in order to get outside and get some yard work done before my season started. I have a whole litany of things I could be doing. But I’m just not inclined.
I have this way of jerking along in life… Things will be rolling smoothly on oiled wheels, and I’ll start to think I’ve finally got this "life" thing figured out. And then I just….lose it. One of the wheels falls off, or something. I lose interest, I get overwhelmed with my inability to really accomplish anything. And then, suddenly, I can’t do anything. I can spend hours these days drifting from task to task, not inspired to finish anything…so I don’t. I never used to be like this when I was working. I was so high energy, I was always doing something…there was always something TO do.
I think it’s the lack of urgency that kills it for me. For the most part, the only person who is affected, negatively or positively, by anything I do or don’t do, is ME. This doesn’t seem to be enough incentive to get me excited about anything. I wonder, is this the kind of thing that retired people go through?
I joke about being semi-retired. Like it's a good thing. I’m sure there are people who think they envy me. But I’m too young to feel this useless.
Trust me. Retirement has NOTHING to do with it. I am only 43 and am and have been going through those feelings for a long time. I haven't figured out what it is yet but I am working on it and hopefully getting closer to the rhyme or reason. Ahh the riddles of life. Hope you feel better,
ReplyDeleteRC
Lisa, are you retired by choice? If not, why not look for something, anything to do to help fill your day a bit. You could try something part time--and if you don't need the money, why not volunteer somewhere? Sometimes when we have too much time on our hands and only dull and uninspiring things to do to fill that time, we can get depressed. Hang in there!!
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew what the answer was, but just know that you're not alone. For me, I think I'm trying to find something that merits some passion. It's harder than it sounds.
ReplyDeleteSee? You're not alone in this. I think how we deal with 'retirement' is a question of individual temperament; some people are energetic & hard driven & go crazy with the lack of structure & goals associated with leisure~others are thrilled to be able to pursue activities they couldn't in their working environments. I think the other writers are right~finding something that inspires passion is key. And never as easy as it sounds.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I define this problem as a lack of discipline on my part. I can't wait for school to end to have my time off and work on my big projects, and when I'm finally off, I do nothing! By the end of June, I am visiting my office wanting to be back because it gives my life structure. Oh, I am never happy.... Kristi
ReplyDeleteI have a very hard time staying on task. Sometimes it's due to constant interruptions, but sometimes it's due to an inability to just stay focused. I don't know what the answer is. My biggest motivator is that much dispised question "What did you do today?"
ReplyDelete