I really had to weigh the merits of making a journal entry today. It’s my birthday. The first day of the last year of my life that I’ll be able to write my age as a two-digit number beginning with "4". Clinging by my toenails to the edge of the precipice, the one that you fall off of into "old-fartiness" when you turn 50. Who am I kidding? Judging by the reflection in the mirror this morning, I’ve already taken THAT plunge.
We were out of my favorite coffee creamer (fat-free hazelnut) this morning, and I decided I had to walk to Freddie’s (Fred Meyer…the grocery store two blocks from my house) to get some before I could enjoy my cup of morning half-caf. DID NOT want to do the whole shower, dress, makeup thing, which I usually will do before I’m seen anywhere in public. So, I tossed on some too-big shorts (ALL my shorts are too big now), my favorite over-sized sweater, covered up the haircut from hell with my trusty "Henry Blake-type" camo hat. Looked in the mirror. Ugh! Wish I hadn’t. Baggy shorts, baggy sweater, baggy face, sloppy hat, over-sized bifocals (which my husband recently informed me are "old-lady" glasses.) Definitely not a vision of dewy loveliness staring back at me. It was all I could do to steel myself to ignore it and walk out the door.
I don’t want to do a whole lot of introspection today. I’m in a crappy mood, and when I wax philosophical from that frame of mind, I always feel small and ungrateful if I go back later and read what I’ve written. But I don’t feel like writing a heart-warming tribute to the joys of achieving the wisdom and serenity of mature womanhood, either. I don’t feel mature. I feel OLD. If I had accumulated any wisdom at all, it has deserted me. And serene? No one even remotely acquainted with me would link my name with the concept of serenity.
I was thinking I might improve my mood if I was able to spend the day pampering and transforming myself into…well, something that would look halfway decent hanging from my husband’s arm at a nice restaurant. (That really IS getting to be an all-day chore!) But we have planned a really exciting evening…lugging "Big Red" the trailer out to the Columbia County Fairgrounds in preparation for the fair that starts on Wednesday.
Oh, cripe…I really need to quit writing. I’m wallowing now, and before long, I’ll be drowning. Poor me, poor me, poor me!
Happy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteLISA....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I really hope you set aside that foul mood and get yourself a little glass of wine or whatever and get tipsy and get happy!!!!! I wish you the BEST!!!!
ReplyDeleteLisa....We think you are beautiful, now matter what you're wearin'. So, chin up girlfriend. Go slap on some lipstick, dry your eyes and get that man to take you to dinner and celebrate! Birthdays are always better than the alternative, right? Happy, Happy Birthday and I am so envious that your shorts are tooooo big. What a drag! And...if I do say so myself....50 is fabulous! So, start planning for next year! ((((Lisa)))) from Lisa
ReplyDeleteHappy, happy Birthday to you, Lisa! And just to try to humor your mood, today marks the LAST day of your 49th year. Tomorrow is your FIRST day of your 50th year. So your aren't really holding on to anything, 'old-fartiness' starts tomorrow. Hope I cheered you up! :-) Kristi
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm sooo glad that I managed to make it by your journal today! I'd hate to miss a chance to wish you Happy Birthday on the actual day. :-)
ReplyDeleteI remember when my former boss turned 50. She wasn't sad about it at all. Or maybe she was in denial. But she just kept talking about how she'd lived 50 years and felt like she still had so much to look forward to. I know you're not 50, but the same sentiment can apply. I think you have a lot of good things in your future. So really.... don't be sad too long. :-)
Donna
Happy Birthday!!! The computer has been wonky, so this is the first chance I've had to get to your journal. I wish I could have made it earlier. You are such a special lady. Please don't feel like you have to turn into a introspective warm fuzzy for a little peace. At this point, let's just celebrate having survived another year! I'm just awfully glad you're around.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so glad you made an entry today. I would have been so upset had you not and I missed the opportunity to wish you a Happy Crappy Birthday. Pretty cool you and the other Hippie Chick share the same day.
ReplyDeleteI know it's easy for me to say at 36 but I hope when I am 40+ like you I will be saying it too: Embrace your age Lisa! Enjoy each season of your life to the fullest. Don't waste it on shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Be the best that you can be right now. So what if that means no make-up, baggy shorts and sweater. I think you look beautiful! And, remember what those baggy clothes mean. You've worked hard to achieve your weightloss and should be proud that you look like the hot mama that you are. Happy Birthday!!!:-) ---Robbie
Happy Birthday Lisa! I have been thinking of some of my journal entries and some (most) that are two to four sentences waiting to be completed, and the one common theme is coming to terms with my age. Sometimes I hate the appearance side, some times I hate the cruel irony of not having the appearance at the time I have the brains, and sometimes I just hate it. However, let me point out what “good” I see in your entry; acknowledgement is far superior to denial, you are able to recognized a pity party; you are not succumbing to pleasing others by forcing a cheerfulness 24/7. All, I find very admirable.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I have a 50 something grey hair, pony tail wearing ex rock star professor, who has a pair of those small square glasses. They look very COOL! If I needed glasses it would be the route I would take.
I hope your birthday turned out ok.........
ReplyDeleteLisa - I'm sorry I missed your day. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not that far behind you...and not looking forward to that milestone myself. Somehow that number doesn't quite compute. Wisdom and serenity??? Me???
I've still got a long way to go.
Damn it!!!! I missed it too! happy Belated Birthday! Hope you have a "Queen for the Day" type of day and a wonderful romantic dinner!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I missed your birthday during my Queen of Sharts week....I hope it ended up going well for you. My 44th birthday is in a few weeks. I am SO GRAY, my butt is sagging, and I weigh 40 pounds more than I ever have. So I don't feel like a fresh vision of loveliness either. I am contemplating coloring my hair. I wonder if I can get free time to work out...
ReplyDelete