Carrying the baggage...

There’s a booth down the way from us selling t-shirts. My sister suggested she saw one that she thought was appropriate for me. "Zero to bitch in 3.5 seconds." Nice! I was a trifle offended, but I have to admit, it’s probably right on. More so than ever, now, during that "special" time of life!

I have always been "temperamental," especially at work. This is probably why I have such a stellar employment history. I tend to be somewhat anti-social, which is not an asset in the workplace. And I set very high standards of performance, for myself and those around me. When I don’t meet my own standards, I get frustrated with myself…and frustration is not one of my more attractive emotions. When other people don’t meet my standards, I sort of dismiss them because they don’t measure up. Not a way to win friends and influence people!

It’s funny--- most people get burned out by the physical difficulty of restaurant work. The hardest part of the job for me was always the social aspect. I could sling two pallets of heavy boxes around the kitchen after a delivery, or be on my feet "speed-baking" for an entire twelve-hour shift, and still go to the pool and work out for an hour afterwards. But after six or eight hours working behind the counter on a busy Saturday —schmoozing customers and being cheer-leader for my staff---I’d drag myself home, physically and mentally exhausted. But I kept at it, and I eventually got the hang of it.


Those were wonderful days… For the first time in my adult life, I felt like I was learning and growing, really stretching myself. And making positive bonds with other human beings. I felt like I was on top of the world. Unfortunately, I only had that for a small portion of the time I was out there in the big, bad, workplace---the years that I managed my little shopping mall bakery. When I left that job, and couldn’t find another that would "measure up", all that learning and growth completely eroded away. In fact, I think I’ve ended up worse off than I started out. When it all falls apart like that, you sort of end up feeling like you can never make any permanent, positive changes in your life.

I thought all that stuff would be behind me, now that I've chucked the idea of working for someone else and started my own business.  But, you pay for your sins... In the last decade of my working life, I became a "bridge-burner." I would get jobs that I hated, work there as long as I could stand it--usually not more than a year and a half – get fed up and quit. And when I am done with a job, I am DONE. I just want to get away and never have to deal with those people (the bosses, the other employees, the customers) ever again. So I generally don’t part friends with my employers. Not enemies, exactly, but certainly not on warm terms.

This is starting to hurt me now, when I could really use some friendly contacts in the business. For example, for the last few weeks, I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out how I can get adequate freezer space for all the product I’m going to need for our biggest event next month. How nice it would be if I was on friendly terms with two or three of my ex-employers. I could just make a few chatty, "By golly Fred, it’s good to talk to you again" phone calls, and ask for a tiny favor. But no…as a result of my own prickliness, I am completely on my own. And feeling a little regretful that I have been such a burr under people’s saddles for the last ten years...