Monday, August 25, 2008

Ten Minutes 8/25~~Why I Hate Wi-Fi

I swear, I’m going to have to off the wi-fi at the café.  I don’t know how much good will I’ve sown with the thing, and it has been the source of some of the most traumatic interactions I have had with “customers.”  Customers in quotes because they really aren’t customers.  If they were, they wouldn’t so resent being asked to buy something, or move to a smaller table, or wrap up their hours-long internet sessions so we can close the restaurant. 

Not everyone who uses a free wi-fi connection at a restaurant is an ass-hat.  But the tendency toward ass-hatism does seem to run in the breed.  They are not just freeloaders, they are militant freeloaders.  With a penchant for hollering, blustering, threatening and promising revenge when they don’t get what they want—which is free, unmolested access to any available wireless internet signal, no strings attached.  Apparently I maintain my nice atmosphere and play my soothing jazz, offer clean restrooms and cushy leather seating for their comfort alone.  There’s no one else in the world; and the concept of a paying customer taking priority over their freeloading butts never enters their minds.

Today’s exchange ultimately deteriorated to Mr. Internet Freeloader (after having bought a drink only because he was asked to do so and proceeding to make use of my facility for over an hour) finally packing up his $3500 laptop and attempting to trespass into my kitchen to shout his parting jab at me.  At which point I went on the attack, insisting that he get OUT of my kitchen, and OUT of MY restaurant before I called the police.  And I did not whisper.

Luckily, this all happened nearly at the end of my shift, because the day was thereafter completely shot.  I ate dinner, came home, and went on a 90-minute cleaning binge in an attempt to channel some of that bristling negative energy into something positive.  So now, I have a jerk-off customer to thank that I have a clean (well, it looks better than it did J) house, and I can sit here writing about my crappy day without watching the animal hair tumbleweeds roll down the hall.

Is that what’s known as making lemonade?   


  1. LOL!  Yeah, that's what's known as making lemonade.  And sounds like pretty damned good lemonade at that!


  2. Yes, that is what is known as making lemonade.

    And while I hestitate to suggest anything with regard to wi-fi and your establishment ....

    .... simply post the rules.

    Paying customers are welcome to use our wi-fi for up to one hour. Singles at small table, doubles can move up.  (or something like that) All others may trek to the library where they have to sign up for a specific time frame for free use of the internet.  

    You don't have to advertise it as free ... just advertise it as available to our paying customers.

    Bleh.  But yeah, the house is cleaner.  ;)

  3. List some rules of conduct and limit time usage if you continue supplying WiFi. Sheesh, some people are just like you described only worse. Glad you turned that anger in to a good resource! Dannelle

  4. Ladies, the rules HAVE been posted for months.  I even copied off little sheets to drop off at tables when the need arises.  This has had the effect of cutting down  the number of wi-fi freeloaders hanging around, but the ones who DO are the worst kind of idiots.  Rules are not for them; they can do anything they want!  

    My counter girl pointed out our rules to this gentleman and asked him to make sure he was okay with them before he sat down and whipped out his laptop.  So it's not like he was unaware of our one-hour time limit when he sat down.  He was just a jerk.  And I'm SO tired of dealing with jerks!

    Lisa  :-]

  5. Some folks have to have it pounded into their heads witha two by four. It may be lemonade, but after awhile you get tired of making it. Give yourself a hug from me.