Monday, January 5, 2004

Venting on Journals

Last night was bad. Slept for a total of about three hours. Endless hot flashes and hormone-induced insomnia raised me out of bed in the middle of the night. I curled up in my leather chair and picked up my laptop to pass the sleepless hours. Visited many new journals. Wish I could say I enjoyed the experience.

I keep running into references to the Outstanding Journal Awards. I believe I expressed my distaste for this whole concept once before :-P. But I thought maybe I should give it another shot. Decided to go visit some of the perennial favorites.

One guy had a total overload of graphics, stuff, and do-dads on his page. Aside from this being completely distracting, I tried to leave a comment about five minutes after the beginning of my visit, and I couldn't because the page hadn't finished loading yet. The piece wasn't interesting enough for me to waste fifteen minutes waiting, so I left. Two or three others were so bent on being fast-paced and off-the-wall-funny that they were an exercise in literary hyperventilation. Probably I was crabby due to the circumstances surrounding my being on the internet in the middle of the night...but I just thought, "Bleah!"

In the past couple of weeks, I have found myself getting increasingly wrapped up in the idea of other people reading my journal. I was unduly bummed that I had apparently lost a few readers who had once been regulars. (I HAD a regular readership of about three people...guess that spectacular success made me hungry for more.) But after cruising some of the sites with the big "this journal has been visited xxxxx times" numbers, I understand that's NOT what I want my journal to become. As usual, I'm slightly out sync with the rest of the children. But that is, and always has

I do, however, come in contact with a really gut-grabbing journal once in a while. A couple of days ago, I stumbled on to "Watching My Sister...Disappear"---a log of a woman's daily phone calls to her younger sister, whose mind is being speedily devoured by Alzheimer's. A lovely tribute, displaying the kind of human connection that I can only aspire to. I'll use her as the target of my journal-envy, for now.



  1. I thoroughly enjoy what you are doing with your journal You have a voice that resonates with me.

  2. I am really concerned about a few of your entries. I'm not sure how to respond. Sometimes just being there is enough. Just being supportive. I have an easy change of life...I guess, just had one major "incident" and it was over...gone. Womanhood gone. But, I am so different now with feelings and intolerance. Sometimes I don't even know myself. I'm always here and always reading.

  3. having just had a total hysterectomy I understand the hot flashes...I'm on hormones though.
    I also go to Watching...I love her site and she is very nice. Love your journal.

  4. I love your journal. I'm another middle aged woman and former suburbanite just trying to make sense of things, and I love your perspective.

  5. Get some sleep tonight, I'm adding you to the list of my regulars...The thing about the "journal awards" is that it's all subjective, don't you think? I don't give a hoot who reads mine. My journal is a vent--a long drawn out vent with hardly any nice things to say most of the time, because when things are going great I really don't feel the need to smash little letters on little keyboards.

  6. See my comment after the entry about your sister.

  7. I haven't even heard of the newest version of "journal awards". LOL It's just for fun. It doesn't bother me, because I know it's subjective. I do believe some of the winners are excellent writers and deserve recognition. But, I don't believe that all those who never received any are the opposite, kwim? Sometimes being "popular" on AOL-journals is about working to promote yourself. I don't want to have to do that. I just want to write and read what I enjoy.

  8. Oh and btw. I have always enjoyed your journal. I was one of your regular readers, and I'm sorry that I disappeared for a while. It wasn't just yours. I didn't read *anyone's for quite a few weeks.. I'm not sure what was the deal. I just got tired of it all.

    But, I think I'm back. LOL
    I always find your thoughts insightful and interesting to read, and it's nice to be catching up.