For the past week, I’ve existed with one foot in each of my two worlds. Trying to put time in at the café, so that I can be up to speed by the time we take over, and at the same time, preparing for one of our larger, and one of my favorite, events with the concession trailer. It’s been hectic, and busy, and up until yesterday, I thought, "I haven’t felt this alive in a very, very long time."
Today, though, I think I hit the wall. Things are not going well for me at the café. It’s no surprise that the crew is not welcoming me with open arms; I’m bombarded by negative vibes emanating from all concerned. And while I completely understand why they feel as they do, it is extremely hard for me to function with that dark cloud hanging over me. It was busy during lunch today (unfortunately, the first time it has been busy all week…which doesn’t bode well, does it?) And I didn’t know whether to jump in and help or stay out of the way. I felt like it didn’t matter which I did, it was going to be resented. I spent six hours there this morning, and by the time I left, I felt like I had a thousand-pound weight strapped to my back.
In contrast, yesterday I drove the trailer out to Astoria to set up the booth for the Scandinavian Midsummer Festival. It was so very nice to fall into my old routine. Café de la Rue fits me like a well-worn shoe. Whereas Old Town Café feels like someone else’s custom-fitted boot. It isn’t comfortable at all. Yet.
I feel very much like Dorothy, from the Wizard of Oz, flashing back and forth between the Emerald City and the farm. When I’m behind the counter of Café de la Rue, I feel like "We’re home, Toto!" Struggling around in the negatively charged atmosphere of the café, I know I’m not in Kansas anymore. And I do hope that I won’t come to realize I should never have left my own back yard to go looking for my heart’s desire…
When you start a new job with a new employer, the general rule is: 6 months till you feel comfortable. No doubts allowed till then. And even tho at the Cafe you ARE the employer, I thin the dynamics are pretty similar and the generalization probably applies.
ReplyDeletehttp://searchthesea.blogspot.com/
It might take awhile but I think you'll adjust before long. It can't be easy having one foot in each world. But keep looking up. Every trial, or frustration, comes to its own end sooner or later. Always!
ReplyDeleteHugs
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK
Just growing pains....and an adjustment for eveyone involved. Don't be to hard on yourself. It's just going to take a little time.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a beautiful writer! I have had a very enjoyable Friday afternoon going back and reading everything that has gone on in your life since I have been on hiatus. What momentous decisions, what a busy life, what a lovely user of words to share. I think I have been given a gift. Reading your entries one after the other has been very special. Pennie
ReplyDeleteI kind of wish I lived in Oregon because I think I'd like to work with you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think you just might have some good weather for Astoria, too.
ReplyDeleteI won't say don't sweat the cafe, I guess you'll just have to take it one day at a time. (very original Jackie)
Jackie
You're still in your adjustment period. Don't sweat it. You're all going to have to get used to each other. If you weren't a little apprehensive and afraid, I'd be more worried about you.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you've been running on adrenalin and were bound to come down at some point. I don't think new leaders can ever slip right into any type of situation as if into an old shoe. There's going to be some blisters, so slap on the band-aids and in time it will become yours (sorry, couldn't resist the analogies). Didn't it take awhile to feel that way about the trailer? It must be stressful to be doing both, although it seems like a good thing you have it when you need a break from Old Town and the extra income if business is slow.
ReplyDeleteTraining new people isn't what you need right now, but maybe you will eventually have your own crew. Their boss voluntarily sold his business to you--hello, they should be bending over backwards to make you feel welcome and to insure the success of their source of income.
*debbi*
Hey, Lisa .... I can understand your apprehension. I'm thinking that part of this is because when we make such a big and consequential decision, we become extremely anxious for outward signs to show us that we made the right move. The trouble is that these kinds of things take time, which is scary and makes us doubt ourselves. All will be fine, I am sure of it. Hang in there, my friend. Tina
ReplyDeletecannot for the life of me understand why they are not making you welcome ~ they should be resenting their old boss who sold the business to you ~ they will come round I am sure ~ you will just have to assert yourself and let them know you are the boss now ~ then they have two choices to stay or leave ~ and I would warrant they stay ~ Ally
ReplyDeleteAwww, trapped between two worlds. I so understand as I work two part time jobs. Hugs,
ReplyDeleteLisa