Those of us who are “coming
to terms with middle age” (the original title of this blog), especially women,
commonly suffer from a special strain of “mirror shock syndrome.” Our own bathroom mirrors seem to have some
kind of magic associated with them. We
get up in the morning, brush our teeth, floss, shower, dry our hair and drag a
brush or curling iron through it, slather on the war paint, adjust the jewelry,
smile…and walk away thinking, “Okay.” Gone
are the days when we thought we might attract an admiring nod from a male
stranger (under 75); but we can, and do, content ourselves with “Not bad. At least I won’t scare any small children I
meet in the grocery check-out line…”
And if we’re lucky, we’ll get
through the rest of the day without catching an unexpected glimpse of ourselves
in a department store mirror, plate glass window, or, god forbid, a security
video. Sans the flattering boudoir
lighting, and adding to the equation the portion of our bodies from about the
tops of our busts to our feet, we can be seriously unnerved by what we are certain cannot possibly be
images of ourselves.
“When did my gut start
sticking out farther than my boobs?”
“How long have my legs looked
like I sawed them off at the knee and reattached them blindfolded?”
“Cripes. My hands look like alligator skin.”
“Good lord… Who is that woman with the droopy eyes, saggy
jowls and all that gray hair?”
And that scariest moment of
all—when you look into a mirror and see…your mother.
I deal with all that on a
daily basis. I don’t let myself think
too much about what I look like these days, because if I did, I’d probably go
hide in a closet and never come out. On
some level, I understand that one’s changing appearance is simply the price one
pays for the privilege of long life. So
I try not to let it bother me. But
sometimes I just cannot believe that the person I see in the mirror is me.
Still, there are other
physical changes associated with aging that are WAAAYYYYY more annoying than
starting to look rode hard and put away wet.
Don’t we all love the hot flashes, the gastric disturbances, the leaking,
the sweating, the belching, the farting.
Sometimes it seems like I can’t take myself anywhere, anymore.
But, let me ask you this: If somehow you came across a genie who offered
you the chance to undo—for the rest of your life—ONE age-related physical change, what would you choose? Wrinkles?
Gray hair? Saggy boobs? Elephant knees? Alligator hands?
I know exactly what I would
choose. I would want my eyes back. Not how they look—I couldn’t care less about the bags or the crow’s feet or even
the saggy lids. I want my eyeballs. The ones
I had when I was eighteen.
I desperately hate that I
cannot see worth a damn anymore Of
course I wear glasses, annoying things that they are, and have done for
probably twenty years. But I always
thought that “corrective lenses” should do precisely that—correct poor
vision. Unfortunately, glasses do little
more than make it so that I can see “well enough.” Whatever that means.
I detest that I don’t have
unlimited range of focus anymore. That I
have to bob my head up and down like a chicken in a barnyard in order to
identify which field of my bifocals will provide me with the closest to decent image of whatever I’m trying to look
at. I hate that when I look at anything
that is backlit—like a songbird on a branch or a hawk soaring above my head, all
I can see is an indistinct grayish silhouette. I hate that I can’t walk on the beach and transition
effortlessly between scanning the sand for shells and searching the horizon
above the waves for pelicans and gulls.
It drives me crazy that I fall off curbs, trip on stairs and kick cats
across the room because my brain
disregards the blurry images it receives through the bottom of my bifocals if I’m
not consciously looking down at my feet through the top part of the lenses when I
walk.
So, while I’m not really
interested in surgery to make me look younger, if they ever came up with an
operation that would restore my vision to its youthful clarity, I would be the
first one in line. Every five years,
every year, every month, if that was
what it took.
There are few things I wouldn’t
do to be able to see again…
I was thinking the same thing. I would want my eyesight back. Might make the other stuff glaring back at me from the mirror even scarier, but yes eyesight it is. Sheila
ReplyDeleteI'd have to go back to the fourth grade. When my eyes went, they really went. I went from normal to 20/200 overnight. Actually, I think I'd like my knees back.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteAh, Lisa this is a great entry.
ReplyDeleteYou write so well, so very well.
I saw myself in so many places here. What would I change? I wish I could return to the days where everything I ate and drank didn't end up around my mid-section-forever!