Wednesday, January 21, 2004


Due to some common congenital eye malady, the unpronounceable name of which escapes me, I started to need glasses for reading when I was in my mid-thirties. I’ve been wearing specs for more than ten years, and it still bugs the hell out of me. I cannot stand not being able to see.

One of my favorite places to be blind is in the shower. In my stupider days, I thought all I needed was better lighting in the shower to be able to shave my legs decently. I now realize that it would take klieg lights and a 10x magnifying glass (which I would have to attach to my forehead). I’ve adopted the "Helen Keller" method of shaving. I follow the razor up my leg with my free hand, feeling for wayward stubble. The results are iffy at best…I usually end up with at least one furry racing stripe up my leg. But, hey, I can’t see it, so what do I care? Well, there ARE those folks at the pool who point and giggle…

I try not to buy hair products in identical bottles. I’ve wasted hours trying to find the biggest letters on the bottle, and then deciding whether the word was long enough to be "conditioner." I could always wait until I’ve squeezed it into my hand…but if it’s the wrong thing, what do you do with it? I’ve developed a knack for sucking stuff back into squeeze bottles (picture that…), but you still end up washing half of it down the drain, at $6 a bottle…

And then there is the spider issue. I have a phobia about spiders in the shower. Anywhere else in the house (except my bed) I say, live and let live. But NOT in the shower. So, I hop in the shower in the morning, and if my husband has left a butt crumb on the tile, I spend fifteen minutes peering at it to figure out if it has legs or is moving under its own power. God forbid I should get out of the shower, get my glasses and look at the thing. Too much mess, and too much hassle… I just spend my entire shower doing gymnastics, trying to get the water stream to wash the whatever-it-is down the drain without having it touch ME.

We boomers are fast developing ways to fend off old age, or at least make it a little less inconvenient. Hopefully some presbyopic, fifty-something researcher will come up with a cure for this before I hurt myself.


  1. This is SO funny...I am so afraid when I notice that I'm having a hard time reading small print. I love to read so much that I'm afraid I'll be thrown into a lifelong depression if I couldn't read. Of course, I could get glasses--but I don't want to look old!!!!

  2. Since I just got my new bifocals this week, this one really hit home. For me, I've had to let my entire family make fun of my poor directional ability because I have trouble reading road signs. Well, at least getting a little lost is a bit of an adventure.

  3. The vision loss is so frustrating. That's for giving us a way to laugh about it. If we were living in a time defined by natural selection...I'd have been somebodies dinner a long time ago.

  4. I'm only in my early 20's and need glasses to see just about anything. I've killed many a piece of lint for moving, or seeming to move, or simply giving off spider-like vibes. And we won't discuss shaving. At least in the shower all the blood goes right down the drain . . .

  5. OMG, I don't think it's age-related. I've needed glasses for some time now! I'm 33. Okay, it's so bad that if I leave my glasses lying around, I can scarcely see well enough to find them! It's not like I'm blind, just that I seem so attached to them.

    Ugh, one of these years I'm going to try contacts. :-)

  6. Won't comment about your vision, but just let those little spiders live. Unless of course it is a black widow or brown recluse. Glad I found your journal. Paula